dear me
by dee-thequeenbee
Summary: Regina writes a letter to her Twenty-Year-Old self.


**I don't know, it was just an idea, blame the book "Dear Me" and its authors :D all mistakes are mine!  
**

* * *

Dear Me,

Well… dear younger me,

There will be a moment in your life in which you'll be asked to write a letter to yourself. I'm happy to have this chance, because there are certain things I have to tell you. Some advices for the future, some tips, some spoilers and… some surprising facts there's no way you have seen coming. Please, cherish these words, and take it from a wiser, older version of yourself: it's never too late. You will be happy. Trust me.

First things first: I know, my dear, that right now everything seems hopeless. I remember quite well how you feel. Your young heart, that used to be so kind and gentle, is full of rage, sadness, despair, fear. I know, I remember. You feel like a bird in a cage, you feel the darkness, the longing for revenge raise its head. You want your love back, you want to kill that little brat, you want to escape, you want freedom. Trust me, it will come, eventually. Freedom is a choice. You have the possibility of making your own destiny.

I won't lie to you, your future will be full of pain. You have to be strong. One day, you'll be told that you are the most resilient. It's a title you deserve. The darkness is waiting for you to drown in it, and I only have this advice about your most obscure years: try to treasure the beautiful glimpses of happiness that will happen, sometimes, try not to lose entirely in the lust for murder and in your weaknesses. These moments with Mal. She will help you discover that you are a beautiful woman, and your body is yours to donate, and yours entirely. These moments with Rumple, when he'll stop bullying you for a few seconds and you will feel a connection, an understanding with him, because he lost love too. Try to remember that little girl who loved her Daddy, and her horse, and her books, and the gentle, calloused hands of a stable boy.

I won't tell you not to cast the curse, my dear. It was prophesized, and we know we can't play with destiny. The curse will make you lose the thing you love most and rot in loneliness for eighteen years. Until… a very special boy will enter in your life. Yes, we have a son, my darling. A bright light of hope, and happiness, and devotion, a gift, a chance to redemption. So, cast the curse, don't regret it. (Seriously, don't. It will save your life in Neverland, and anyway, you'll meet Daddy in Hell, and you will apologize and he will tell you he's happy for you, he's happy and peaceful because his sacrifice has brought to your happiness, so it's alright.) Henry will be the first person you would gladly die for, and you will. He will save you. Can you see how beautiful is it?

There will be one day when you'll drink a potion, my dear. A potion which will prevent you from having children. And I'm sorry we had to drink it, but in that moment, it was the better option. You have always been a mother, even to the children that were never born. You were trying to give them their best chance. But the children we have now… they make the world a better place. Children by choice, raised because you'll want to. Enjoy your time with them before they grow up.

Please, don't make my mistake, and encourage Henry when he feels different, because he's always been special. Don't waste your time telling him he's mad. Don't do it. And if you'll do it, try to make him understand what a treasure he is. Your little prince.

Don't fight with Emma so much. Eventually you'll find out that sharing Henry is not a bad thing. That Emma is a very good friend, and a part of your family, and she'll always be there to help you. She'll save your life too. I know she can be prickly, but she'll understand you, after some time. Give her a chance.

This one is big. We'll even forgive Snow White. We'll save her, and her Charming husband, and even her baby. She'll be your family too, and she'll be there when no one else was. Oh, and… don't be mad if Charming sasses you. He has learnt from the best. And one day he might be… kind. He'll even teach you how to dance, can you believe me? (I know you don't dance these days, but trust me, your first _true_ ball will be unforgettable.) Speaking of that ball… when you'll set that village on fire… please, don't smile at the boy. You'll regret that later.

Because you'll find love. You'll find the man with the lion tattoo. Robin. I know, it's crazy, but fate has a strange way to make things happen. And you'll fall in love. Three times. (Oh, you'll forget months of your life quite often, but don't worry, it's normal.) Don't be so bitchy with him after your first meeting.

It will be wonderful, I promise. He'll accept you, he'll understand you, and he won't see you as evil. He'll hold your heart in his hand and he won't run away. He'll hurt you, but it's a part of life. Don't keep your walls up. Be bold. After a meeting with a ghost… just be bold and go in the woods.

Remember that the family you've chosen - and who has chosen _you -_ can be better than your blood relatives. Try to forgive your sister. (Yes, we have a sister. But I think this letter will burn down to ashes if I keep writing about her. Try to… try to give her some chances. To be a hero. Please.) And try to understand your mother. She loved you, but she didn't know how.

I think I've been quite deep, so from now on, some tips.

Learn how to play the piano. Henry will love to sing with you when he's a toddler.  
Better put a label on the hearts you collect over the years. Just in case.  
Don't let Robin anywhere near the oven.  
Learn that spell for sore feet. It will be useful.  
Keep Henry's crib when he grows up. You'll use it in the future.  
Continue to preserve your apple tree.

Love again.

Now go and make yourself a forgetting potion so you won't remember any of these things.

And stay strong. I believe in you, girl. You can do it. The best is yet to come.

Lots of love, your older self,

 _Regina_

(Mayor of Storybrooke - Queen of the Forest - Mother - Friend - Sister - Lover)


End file.
